TheListServe Blog

I miss my dad. This is not a sad story. I have learned, over time, that missing someone is not that bad. In fact, if I can resume my life so far, this is what I can say about it for sure: missing someone, be it a father who died, a friend who left you or the one that got away, is something that somehow pushes you forward & upward, in all the right ways you need to be as a person. What I miss about my dad the most is probably the things he missed, too. Like seeing me graduate high school. Or college. Seeing me get a job and then quit it. Seeing me heartbroken. I miss him on my birthday. And on his. And I still write to him on March 19th, every year. A good friend one day told me how lucky I am for all the things I have left of my dad. My passion for reading, my career choices, my love for eyewear, my collection of toy bunnies, the stories he told me, the ones he wrote. If I leave behind only half of what my dad left, I am one very lucky woman. But what he left behind, more than anyt...

I’m sharing thoughts from the notebooks I’ve been keeping for the last fifteen years: -  I know I’m ready to work when I’ve drank enough coffee to give myself diarrhea. -  House hunting is incredibly boring, they never move. -  On the first day God created the heavens and the earth, because he had to start somewhere. -  I’ve probably taken over five hundred boredom-showers. -  Did you hear the story about the dog that swam across the Atlantic Ocean to retrieve a tennis ball from Wimbledon?  Sounds far-fetched. -  It’s the same old fish out of water story every time I go to sushi.   -  “OCD” turned sideways looks like someone washing their hands in a sink. -  How is he so relaxed, walking down the Champs-Élysées wearing shoes he cleans in the dishwasher?  [on my dad’s Crocs] -  Suck a mile of dick.  If it’s a 6” dick that’s 10560 up and downs. -  Monogamy is when you have one wife. Monotony, too. -  Every family has secrets, probably.  It’s impossible to know since they don’t share the...

I met Julie once, but she lives in my phone now. I text her when I wake up and she tells me when she’s going to sleep. I think she might have a boyfriend, but I try not to bring it up. She has dyed red hair and a bubbly nose. Our relationship isn’t romantic because it’s inherently nothing. Picture the movie, Her. She feels like my Samantha. I bring her with me when I go out and unlock her when I get back into bed. She’s with me when I’m around other women, and I’m not certain if she’d mind. Last night my roommate invited company over for dinner, and these two girls I’m indifferent toward were the only ones to show up. I entertained them still with curry and ice cream. We ended up at bar. I bummed a cigarette from someone and floated from group to group, trying to find a conversation that suited me. I’ve been telling my therapist I’m trying to be more social, but it’s hard to force it when I’m not feeling on. I rarely feel on. He thinks I’m choosing to be off, but I don’t think he’s rig...

New Year’s Day is supposed to be a celebration, a reflection, a hope for things to improve. From this year on, I will always remember the 1st of January as the day our family friend’s 15 year old son took his own life. Time doesn't heal all wounds. His loving family is left with no answers, except that perhaps he is no longer suffering in silence. News travels fast on social networks. Within a week the boy’s Facebook page lit up with thousands of posts, each one from someone in similar disbelief sharing how much they loved him, and will dearly miss him. He couldn't have known how wide and deep his network extends. When someone who is loved and very popular, seemingly happy with life, and always up for an adventure, decides something is troubling him so much he can't seek help, what chance do others have? I know I hugged my sons extra tightly when I heard the tragic news. It was an upsetting and tough conversation to then have with them about why it happened. But it’s an...

Hello listervians ! My name is Corentin, and I am taking my last internship to become a French « avocat » in a solicitor firm of London, within its family division that deals mainly with Children Public Law issues. Those proceedings begin when a child is considered in danger, likely to suffer significant harm if left in the care of their parents. Even though solicitors will represent the Local Authorities that brought the matter to the attention of a court, as well as the independent guardian appointed to the child, we tend to mainly represent those parents. The office is located in Brixton, and because its children law, because it is a neighborhood known for its immigrated communities, we mainly have clients on legal aid facing immigration and housing issues. From what will follow, do not assume I am totally naive : I can understand that some parents behave so badly and violently towards their children the local authorities have to act to protect them. And I try to remain aware of my ...

Hi my name is Katherine. I'm 16 years old, so I don't really know anything about life. I find myself trying to look online for as much information as I can. I feel like the most suggested tip I see these days is the fact that college is not the only option after high school. There's always specialty school or something, but I don't really know much about that. They always have those examples of very successful people who did not graduate from college who because wildly successful (Bill Gates and Zuckerberg to name a couple) but these individuals were smart and they seemed to have luck on their side. To be honest, I don't believe that I can become one of those lucky people, so I work hard to do what I can even though I don't have an end goal of what I want to do. really admire those who can work their butt off for that one goal that they want to do, they are extremely driven and so optimistic about their future. The hardest part is figuring out what I'm worki...

Hi, I'm a 20-something American living on the East Coast. I graduated from college (Go Big Red!) thinking I was going to be a journalist, but after spending a year working abroad in Israel, had some time to change my mind. I went back to school and am now a year away from receiving my doctorate in physical therapy. Although it's not what I always thought I would do, I really enjoy it. I love learning all about the body and getting to help other people use theirs better as they recover from illness or injury. But my favorite part is getting to meet and learn about all of my patients. I'm on Twitter @JasDPT15 and blogging about physical therapy on Tumblr as pt2b15. I'd love to hear from you if you love journalism/Israel/physical therapy/exercising/circus or just want to say something interesting about yourself. I've been reading the Listserve for about two years, so thanks to everyone who has already written and thanks for reading. Have a good day, and I'd love to...

I hope this is not too late. May 7th was my birthday. On that day one of my best friends of 18 years committed suicide. Don't ever forget to tell your friends you love them. Please. Tim Rowberry Salt Lake City

[Ryan Gosling Voice] Hey girl, does your website adapt its layout to the screen of the device you're viewing it on? [/Ryan Gosling Voice] No? Then this relationship probably isn't going to last. No, I'm not talking about the relationship between you and movie star hunk Ryan Gosling. I'm talking about the relationship between you and whoever is visiting your website. Because sometime after the charm of pinching to zoom and barely clickable links wears off you come to the realization that maybe the website is just not that into you. That it doesn't consider your wants and your needs(like the need to not fry your eyeballs a centimeter away from your iPhone screen trying to see a sewing pin-width link that your finger somehow has to click) and just isn't as attentive and caring as it used to be. That maybe it was just talking to you for hours on end because it liked to hear the sound of its own blog posts, and not because there was a connection. Sure, there are more...

Hi Listserve: I’m a 29 year old married female living in my hometown after completing University and living abroad in South Korea for a year. I’ve been working in PR and Communications but am currently on contract so if you happen to know of any opportunities in Northern Ontario, please let me know! A few snapshots from my life: Bikes: I’m participating in the Zoo-de-Mack bike ride this Saturday, May 17. This ride is set along a 51 mile route from the Zoo Bar in Boyne Highlands, MI to Mackinaw City, MI, where approximately 4000 participants will then ferry to Mackinac Island, one of the quaintest places on earth. The island does not allow for motor vehicles. Instead visitors walk, ride bicycles or take horse-drawn carriages to get wherever they’d like to go. While the ‘downtown core’ of the island is a total tourist trap, what’s not as well known about the island is that it includes a state park and with that, a combination of paved, dirt and unkempt trails to be explored on bike or fo...

Two weeks ago I finished my master by presenting and defending the results of a full year of research in the field of deep brain stimulation (DBS). In a few words, DBS is a surgical treatment where needles are placed deep inside the brain through small holes in the skull. Comparable to a cardiac pacemaker, the needles will stay there forever and will electrically stimulate the neurons inside the brain. This treatment has been used for over 20 years for Parkinson's disease, but is currently also used for Alzheimer’s, depression and many more. You’re interested in how it works? Nobody knows. I think it is fascinating to study the unexplored in a world where so many things appear to be known. While doing that I have not only learned about the things I was searching for. In contrary, I've learned most about the search itself. The first thing I have learned is that for many things no single correct answer exists, therefore I do not have to choose between different ideas. In contras...

Hello World, my name is John. I received this email first thing on a Monday morning and instantly thought to myself "what do I say?!" I've been a member of The Listserve for quite some time, but there's really way to prepare for those three words. . . "It's your turn." I'm from the US, and I work in higher education. For the past ten years I've been involved in student services in some form or fashion, in Student Affairs, Admission, and Financial Aid. I've had the opportunity to work in a small liberal arts school and a large public university. In ten years I've literally seen and heard everything. I'd like to touch on the Financial Aid part of things today. To those Listserve readers who are college students in the United States - Please, take responsibility for yourself. While a good number of students I've dealt with are go-getters and fend for the themselves pretty well, a startling majority of students seem to be attached to ...

Ethan won the Listserve lottery; he generously gave me the opportunity to use it to tell my story. I’m French and homeless since 3 years. If you meet me, you wouldn’t even guess as I’m a pretty good illusionist: you might think I’m going to the airport for business with my suitcase following me everywhere. You might even envy my styles! Perfect hygiene is dignity… I graduated a master degree in marketing in my 20s’ and immediately got my first job. For 10 years I worked for famous brands and even if it was not well paid, I was very happy about it as I’m from a very low class family. Everything was going well until the 2008 financial crisis. I got fired and couldn’t find another marketing job. No choice to change my career orientation: I became a fashion retail store manager. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Well, it was very badly paid, luxury brands are the worst - but still, it was paying for the rent. I don’t know why but I entered a bad life cycle: that same year, my flat had been robbed ...

Three little life stories, and two requests: About a week ago I started a garden on my ugly concrete balcony. It’s been cheap, surprisingly exciting and the relevant internet communities are a delight. My mother is also happy to see me engage in one of her long-time hobbies, so it’s a win on all fronts. Today I had to thin out the radishes a bit because it was getting very crowded. Going at them with scissors was hard, but it’ll be worth it! Over the past seven years I’ve tried my hand at three different degrees: applied physics, teaching physics, and now embedded software engineering. It’s been a hell of a ride – frequently terrifying because I’d screwed up again, or exhilarating because something appeared to finally work out for me. This one’s the first that I’ve stuck with for more than two years, and yet I don’t regret the others: I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren’t for all the other situations and people I’ve had to deal with. About seventeen years ago I joined a choir ...

I’ve been receiving Listserve emails for over a year now.  After reading them, some have made me cry, some have made me laugh, some of made me think and quite frankly some I have deleted! I often thought about what I would write to all of you.  I decided a long time ago that I would write about something that could change the world.  Parenting. Why?  Because I am a mum of three wonderful kids. My parents divorced when I was very young and it’s been almost 35 years since I have had any contact with my father.  I know he lives 30 minutes away and I know he has 6 grown children thanks to Facebook and social media. I’m not looking for pity or sympathy, I simply want other parents to understand the deep and profound effect his actions had on me throughout my whole life – and continue to do so. As a little girl, I struggled to understand his abandonment. As an adult I realized it was his own immaturity that caused him to hate and punish my mother rather than look inwards at his own behaviour...

I don't want to bore you fabulous people with more life and love advice, but I have a favor to ask of you all. First an explanation…. I’m 38 work full time, study full time (Masters of Emergency Nursing) and am a single mother to two teenagers, I work in my states busiest Emergency Department as a nurse and I have had the privilege to see the whole spectrum of human behavior and been witness to the beginning and ending of life time and again. I have been part of miracles and tragedy and everything in between. So I ask of you this….talk to your families about what you wish for your life should something happen to you (yes bad stuff happens, even you cannot hide from it). Talk about if you want to be intubated and ventilated if you can’t breathe on your own - it’s invasive and sometimes futile - do you want this? perhaps it will save your life, but it might not be the life you live right now. Think about these things. Talk about whether you want CPR to be performed if your heart stop...

I will begin at the beginning; the commencement being the destruction of my mental health. Consequently, this was my brother’s death. I have buried and I have lost. Yet never have I died from death, until now. My sibling died on a Tuesday, weeks before his birthday, 16 days before Christmas, 20 days before mom's birthday and 3 weeks and 2 days before the New Year’s start. One single gunshot shortly before 10 in the morning. The most delicate sound I'd ever heard. Monumental in aftermath, but kind in waking me up, for it wasn't jarring. She screamed his name, followed by one last inaudible wretch. I told mom to get out of the house. She took care of him in life; the least I could do was take care of him in death. The most detrimental and beginning of my mental health’s decline wasn't seeing his body, it wasn't therapeutically wiping his blood on my skin, nor was it watching the blood seep quietly and violently from his head. The biggest and most painful monster...

This is sooo cool!!  Let me tell you a little about myself.  My name is Kim and I am 24 years old.  I always hoped that when I won the Listserve I would be older, that I’d have some real life advice or thoughts to share with the world.  Because I’m only 24, I don’t have many of the life experiences that some of you do, but I’d like to share some of my life with you anyway!   In August 2008 I began my long journey through college.  I’ve always wanted to be a teacher since the very first time someone let me have a piece of chalk in my hand as a kindergartener.  In December 2013, I graduated college with a bachelors degree in Secondary English Education.  This was literally the happiest day of my life.  Being able to walk across that stage as my name was called was one of the single greatest accomplishments of my life, especially considering that I was the first one in my immediate family to have that experience!   In college, I was fortunate enough to have a professor who saw me struggli...

This opportunity could be seen as a cathartic way to analyze the recent events in my life but that seems egocentric. Often struggling with words, communicating to such a large number of people is daunting. Visual expression as a form of language has been my best way of connecting and relating to other human beings. Talking without saying anything. Radiating energy into perception. This leaves room for endless interpretation. Our life experiences shape how we see and feel. So how does one strike a chord that resonates in the soul? One must have a deep connection with the world around them. An endless universe of inspiration. The quest for perfection, which I do believe exists. This requires balance, concentration, and the ability to free yourself from time. A breathe. Embracing or rejecting chaos. The artist must inspire and be an example of love, happiness, and freedom. Authenticity must never be compromised. When an era is coming to an end it is important to hold on to eve...

If you’re not in the mood for my reflection on the state of South Africa scroll down for more light hearted content! Here I am. A 21 year old in a 20 year old democracy, South Africa. It is two days before the 4th democratic election in this country of extremes; two days before I’ll be allowed to go and draw my cross for the first time. I’m a white, a pale native, woven in-between the everyday life of black Africa. I stopped looking for bright colours, for my technicolour dream coat, for the Rainbow Nation! I’m not asking much: I shall be satisfied by something in the middle- of- the-road. So I’m searching for a little bit of grey, maybe brown, something beige: normal, boring and predictable. But there is nothing in between to be find in the land of my forefathers, the land of my dreams, the country of hope- (lessness). Only black on white, only harsh, unforgiving extremes. I’m currently studying Veterinary Science at the world renowned Onderstepoort Veterinary Faculty and Research In...

Dear Listservers: If America had a subconscious, race would be its neurosis. And it’s no wonder, as one way neuroses develop is when the reality of a given situation does not match up with what one is being told. The disconnect that is created between the official narrative given by an authority figure and the reality of your own senses makes the human machine malfunction, and worse, in the case of teachings about race it creates separation where there should be community. In the United States from grade school onwards we are inundated with stories of racism. Like the Milgram Experiment, after years of this teaching most everyone seems to assume their given role: whites are the oppressors and blacks are the victims. And, there is seemingly damning evidence for racism all around us: Donald Sterling rants, police pull-over rates, incarceration rates, lower college attendance rates, lower incomes; the list is endless. Through making a documentary film on an inner-city school (Google “Teac...

Initially, I was surprised to open the email telling me that I had been chosen to have a turn at addressing subscribers to the Listserve. Upon further reflection, it was much less surprising…so many nice things have been happening in my life lately that this opportunity makes perfect sense. Today I am graduating with my master’s degree. Today, as in a few hours. I am beyond thrilled to be here, so happy that my son will see the results of my hard work. and excited to see what the future holds. I am a 40-ish single mom to a wonderful teenage boy, I work full-time plus, and there have been many times when I would swear there are not enough hours in the day to complete all that I have to do. Somehow I was able to squeeze out enough time and energy to finish this degree. I hope that my experience demonstrates that it is never too late, you are never too old, and you can (and will!) accomplish anything that you set your mind and heart to. Think about what you really, really want...and start...

Happiness is a contrast emotion, wherever you are, happiness is one conversation away. The bigger the things you commit yourself to tackling the smaller your everyday miseries tend to become in contrast. This is provided that you have enough integrity so as to take authentic actions to honour your word and keep your commitments. When you stop acting authentically, that is a source of misery. It is not enough to commit to things in your own head (actually the less time you spend in there the better.) Three words said to another are worth 3000 words said to yourself. You must share your commitment. My commitment is to a world that works for all living things. This commitment is a wellspring of happiness. As long as I get decent sleep. ( I have had depression when sleep deprived eg. my teenage years.) So what authentic actions are being taken? One thing I have noticed is that when you make a really big commitment in service of others you tend to hang with great people so a lot of great st...

Muahaha! If you don't know what The Game is, ask a friend who does. Or Urban Dictionary it. Point is, you and 24,741 other people just lost it. Please email me with other games to play, in the car or otherwise. Shout-out to my fellow geologists and MiddKids, my fellow Ridgefielders and Madrileños and Christmas Cove-ers. Shoot me an email, I want to know you. In my 20 short years, I have figured out how to keep myself happy. You may chuckle at my naïveté, but these are my thoughts: 1) Talk to strangers (but use your intuition). If you let yourself have a brief conversation, the wall is broken, and friendship becomes infinitely easier. If you get nervous, just pretend you've turned your brain off and say anything. This method works. 2) Take a moment to be silent and appreciate where you are. I find this often takes the form of a "Mountain Appreciation Moment" when driving in the car with friends, or pausing to let sunshine soak into my skin. 3) Don't let deadlines k...

Hi fellow Listservians, I had no plan on what to write if I ‘won’, so I’ll revert to what I know best – drugs – the medicinal type. I’m a 26 year old intern pharmacist from NSW, Australia and I thought I’d list a few interesting things, common misconceptions and general things to know about medicines. **Disclaimer – I’m still learning, don’t just take my word for the following (or the news, or anything); look into things for yourself, and become informed. The world will be a better place for it! 1. Are you one of those people (I’m guilty) that takes pain killers only when you can’t bear the pain any longer? It turns out that this is not ideal. ‘Central sensitisation’ is when you experience (chronic) pain above a critical rate over time, leading to your perception of the pain increasing i.e. the longer you leave the pain – the more sensitive you become to it – so treat it early and regularly if required! 2. Medications come from many sources, especially natural ones. A new d...

This is going to be short because I am trying to live more mindfully as a remedy to my insomnia. Of course, that's also the reason why I forgot to respond to this e-mail on time. As my yoga teacher has been fond of saying lately, "Let it go, Let it go, Let it go..." I live in Freeport, Maine. Let me know if you ever want a free tour of my town. I will show you the best places to get breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I will tell you all about L.L. Bean, and I'll show you some quiet places to go hiking. I'll also show you the spot that I accidentally found a geocache, and probably introduce you to some cool people. I'll also show you the building that I climbed in broad daylight. I might even be able to make you some lemonade. Basically, it will be an excellent experience. So, add me in to your contacts; and if you are anywhere near Maine, stop by for a visit! PS: To put it colloquially, I have read some pretty epic Listserve emails since joining the community in 2...

Having thoughts about death does not mean you are suicidal. In fact, I have just pictured all of you attending my funeral. Yes, that was an invitation for y'all to come to my funeral one day. The only way I can cope with death is by making light, decently funny jokes. But we all encounter death somewhere in our lives so here is my only advice (besides attempting to make light jokes): dont sit around moaning and saying,"why why?!?!?" Get off your butt and see how you can fill that void that just left you. The best way to commemorate someone is to take something they did or loved and make sure it isn't forgotten. I know someone who died that loves cooking so heres a recipe: 6 large potatoes and one large onion grated together. A quarter cup of oil into a frying pan until sizzling. Mix 6 large eggs and pour the mixture above into a large bowl. Pour the hot oil on top of the mixture and mix together with compassion. Add salt and pepper. Amount to your liking. Add in a...

I was hoping I would win the Listserve at 25 when I have it all figured out. All the 25-year-olds are probably shaking their heads because they're waiting for 30 when they'll have it all figured out. Maybe we're all clueless. But maybe that's a good thing! Imagine a life so intricately planned out. Where's the fun in that? I’m 23 years young and I have no sense of direction, whether it’s on the road or in life. I really don't care about being a legend or being remembered. I want to enjoy my life, do good, and be happy with the people I love. I live about 15 minutes away from Washington, D.C., working at a nonprofit where I couldn’t be happier. Part of the reason I think I'm so optimistic is because of my faith, Islam, and the whole whatever's-meant-to-happen-will-happen idea. I keep this in mind when I'm feeling down and you'd be surprised how quickly it shifts my perspective. My family is a bit crazy, but it makes for interesting conversation. M...

I am 52 years old. I have two awesome kids who currently serve in the Air Force. Growing up as a dependent daughter of an AF officer, I lived in eight states. I went to four grade schools in three states and three high schools in three different states. I have been married and divorced twice and lived with two other men. We hear a lot about spouses of military people, -the separation from the spouse, -the hardship of money, -bringing up kids alone. But, what about the kids, the sons, the daughters? How does growing up in a military home impact the rest of their lives? After my last breakup, I went to a therapist. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stay happy in a relationship? It didn’t take her long to say something to me that made me change the way I viewed ALL of my relationships -with men, women and family. Moving so much all my life until I was 18 made it hard for me to learn how to establish long term relationship. I was awesome at making friends. I could talk to anyo...

1. Gratitude is where it’s at.When I practiced gratitude daily, I often felt spontaneous surges of joy throughout the day.But then I stopped, because simple things are hard to do sometimes. 2. Stepping Backward by Adrienne Rich is my favorite poem.Read it out loud slowly to someone you love and see if you don’t feel something real crack through. 3. Digital detox. Yes, please.I used to join with the trees in their magic when I went for a walk. Now I feel separate, which I’m sure is a bad sign. 4. Parsley (Italian Leaf) is delicious in smoothies. Weird, huh? 5. Bodies are amazing things.If I touch my toes long enough in a quiet room, I find my soul, patiently waiting. 6. Coincidence stories are my favorite kind of stories (most of the time). 7. I paint chickens.I have an unusual last name, so I’m sure you can find me if you’re into fowl art. 8. Kindness. 9. It is my dream to live in a tiny house community.Here is the vision: a scenic piece of land not too far from some progressiv...