The last letter

Hi everyone! First I would like to say that English is not my native language, so forgive my possible (and probable) mistakes! This letter below I wrote when I was 16 years-old and was going through a difficult phase of my life, and I thought that leaving this world was the only option. I have never showed this letter to anyone, and it was the first thing that came up in my mind when I was invited to write here. Fortunately, I don’t feel like this anymore and I now I want to live my life and work it out no matter how difficult it gets. There’s always a way out! : )

Please, stop worrying about whose fault was it. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. I did it by my own free will, because I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I couldn’t stand the futility of people and their superficial relationships, and above all, I couldn’t stand and comprehend my inexplicable desire to be like them.
Some say that suicides are the bravest cowards that ever existed. I disagree. If I’ve had a little bit of courage, I would have said “no” in many times I said ”yes” without meaning to.
I would have said more about how I really felt and less about what other people expected to hear from me. I would have stood up for my opinions and done what I wanted to do even if the world and the people around me didn’t think it was right.
I would have enjoyed things more when I had the chance, and complained less when it was no longer worthy.
I would have accepted me for who I was, and I would had struggled less battles with myself. Because this last one I lost. I lost because maybe I hadn’t learned how to fight it right, or because I didn’t want to fight knowing I would lose it anyway.
Actually I think I would have lost much more if I had continued living the life I was living. The life that was mine and, like everything else that was a part of me, I hated with all my heart.
I hope you understand that this was the toughest and selfish decision I have ever had to make. I’m not gonna tell you not to be sad or angry, or cry. I just want that the only people who do it are the ones that really cared when I was alive. If my life wasn’t worth it, please make sure that my death is. I want to thank those who loved me, no matter how: be still because none of you could have stopped me if you tried. I’m in peace now.


Denise
Sao Paulo, Brazil

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