The last letter
Hi everyone! First I would like to say that English is not my native language, so forgive my possible (and probable) mistakes! This letter below I wrote when I was 16 years-old and was going through a difficult phase of my life, and I thought that leaving this world was the only option. I have never showed this letter to anyone, and it was the first thing that came up in my mind when I was invited to write here. Fortunately, I don’t feel like this anymore and I now I want to live my life and work it out no matter how difficult it gets. There’s always a way out! : )
Please, stop worrying about whose fault was it. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. I did it by my own free will, because I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I couldn’t stand the futility of people and their superficial relationships, and above all, I couldn’t stand and comprehend my inexplicable desire to be like them.
Some say that suicides are the bravest cowards that ever existed. I disagree. If I’ve had a little bit of courage, I would have said “no” in many times I said ”yes” without meaning to.
I would have said more about how I really felt and less about what other people expected to hear from me. I would have stood up for my opinions and done what I wanted to do even if the world and the people around me didn’t think it was right.
I would have enjoyed things more when I had the chance, and complained less when it was no longer worthy.
I would have accepted me for who I was, and I would had struggled less battles with myself. Because this last one I lost. I lost because maybe I hadn’t learned how to fight it right, or because I didn’t want to fight knowing I would lose it anyway.
Actually I think I would have lost much more if I had continued living the life I was living. The life that was mine and, like everything else that was a part of me, I hated with all my heart.
I hope you understand that this was the toughest and selfish decision I have ever had to make. I’m not gonna tell you not to be sad or angry, or cry. I just want that the only people who do it are the ones that really cared when I was alive. If my life wasn’t worth it, please make sure that my death is. I want to thank those who loved me, no matter how: be still because none of you could have stopped me if you tried. I’m in peace now.
Denise
Sao Paulo, Brazil
Please, stop worrying about whose fault was it. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. I did it by my own free will, because I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I couldn’t stand the futility of people and their superficial relationships, and above all, I couldn’t stand and comprehend my inexplicable desire to be like them.
Some say that suicides are the bravest cowards that ever existed. I disagree. If I’ve had a little bit of courage, I would have said “no” in many times I said ”yes” without meaning to.
I would have said more about how I really felt and less about what other people expected to hear from me. I would have stood up for my opinions and done what I wanted to do even if the world and the people around me didn’t think it was right.
I would have enjoyed things more when I had the chance, and complained less when it was no longer worthy.
I would have accepted me for who I was, and I would had struggled less battles with myself. Because this last one I lost. I lost because maybe I hadn’t learned how to fight it right, or because I didn’t want to fight knowing I would lose it anyway.
Actually I think I would have lost much more if I had continued living the life I was living. The life that was mine and, like everything else that was a part of me, I hated with all my heart.
I hope you understand that this was the toughest and selfish decision I have ever had to make. I’m not gonna tell you not to be sad or angry, or cry. I just want that the only people who do it are the ones that really cared when I was alive. If my life wasn’t worth it, please make sure that my death is. I want to thank those who loved me, no matter how: be still because none of you could have stopped me if you tried. I’m in peace now.
Denise
Sao Paulo, Brazil
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