Sunday, November 24, 2013

I have always had fear in life and I could never figure out ...

I have always had fear in life and I could never figure out why. Maybe its a personality issue. I have always admired fearless people who take the risk and bet everything on what they believe. There were times that I just wanted to have the guts to quit and follow my heart, but my Capricorn Moon never let me. My decision making process is more rational than emotional and that's something I need to learn how to balance.

I have always loved art. Art is my passion, is my home, is where I go to when I am down or up. Art never let me fall. I have released a book; produced one Theatre play USA and another in Brazil; I have had three painting exhibitions; I wrote a bossa nova song; I had an Art Channel at Youtube called Arte por Ai and a blog called The Art Reference (I know - I dont have focus!). But all of those projects were done in my spare time, as a second option, as a hobby. I actually work as contract auditor for an oil and gas company. I know, right? Crazy me.

However this year gave me a tremendous crisis. As for the Chinese characters, the word crisis means danger and opportunity. I began the year with a broken heart and destroyed dreams which were followed by family issues and now I am about to get fired. I have found myself in the last months duelling with those issues. But I have then made a promise to myself that whenever I find myself in a difficult moment in my life I would never NEVER make a down turn to a negative habbit like drugs, alcohol, smoke or depression. But I would turn to good things...even if I were at extreme... So I found my lovely shrink, meditation, yoga, sport and art again.

This is stupid, but I also adopted the Jim Carrey's "Yes Man" movie concept for a month. In the movie, Jim says yes to every single invitation made to him and this ends up opening him to a new world. I did that for a month and I did amazing things and met amazing people. Stand up paddle; crazy trails; karaoke (believe me, I sing really bad); travels; cooking; political protests; slack line; organise a live music picnic;

And now I find myself in this moment: THE moment. F**k!
Its just like that expression "the train never passes twice". If I dont catch it now the chance is gone. I am happy and also shitting my pants.

I just needed to believe everything will be ok! And yesterday I was alone at the metro and, out of the blue, an old sir came to me and said: "I've got to tell you something. I am sorry to disturb. Listen to others but also tell your truth. Release that energy inside you. Ok?" To which I answered: "Yes" and he vanished. I only needed someone to say it will be ok and that I am not alone!

I can say that I will tr... that I will make it happen no matter what!
Thats a promise to me and a promise to you all, my Listserve friends!

So, feel free to follow my career and cheer, because I ought to find the necessary courage to make it rock!

Cheers from Brazil.
Have an amazing end of the year and may 2014 come with an exciting World Cup in Brazil!


Marcela Lanna
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Facebook Page: Marcela Lanna - Art
E-mail: mlclanna[AT]yahoo.com
Instagram: @marcelalannaName: Marcela Lanna

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