Thursday, February 20, 2014

My Whole Life Changed

Freshman year of college is when my pain started.
The doctors prescribed me every antibiotic you could name, until I was throwing up in bed and couldn't eat a thing.

I walked around, wondering why I couldn't be happy like everybody else.
I wondered why I had to get a discharge from the Army, why I couldn't serve my country.

I wondered why my dad who has money says my doctor appointments were too expensive, but my mom who has no money paid for $500 doctor appointments out of pocket when insurance didn't cover it.

I wondered if it would be easier to kill myself by swallowing pills or by running the car in the garage.

I wouldn't say I'm exactly healthy now, but I don't wonder these things anymore.

Instead, I thank God for my pain. I thank Him for my mom, I thank Him for my church, I thank Him for allowing me to wake up in the morning. I thank Him for bringing me to my knees so I could realize that some people have it much worse than me. I thank Him for my amazing girlfriend who taught me that "when you know, you know." I thank Him for teaching me to enjoy the little things in life, because truly that's all we can do.

But right now I thank Him for allowing me to win the ListServe, because I know there's one person out there suffering from pain, feeling like nobody understands, like nobody will listen.

If you're that person, email me. Or email somebody. Find somebody who listens, who understands.

For the rest of you, don't be afraid to be different; to think, to feel, to be kind.

"I respect the kind of reject that wanna rebel, and just reflect."

Newark, DE

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